Uneventful journey

The trip to Norway it was awesome! At least often are my few breakdowns. I went fishing and caught one single fish. Don't laugh, it is not funny. My father accidentally dropped his phone in the sea. He managed to get it back to all drenched and put it in the oven. When need to get out again, it was blowing hot and the screen turns white when he turned it on. I got a lots of yarn and I actually had to sort some of it out. Oh yeah, by the way, when I came home, a couple of days ago, I actually felt like a wreck. I got a panic attack yesterday night and I started crying out loud. That happens sometimes. Michael Shayce will be much easier now, since I have my color indicator, that tells me what color the yard is. I have several colors in different types of yarn. That is awesome if you want to mix shades. Yep, I am still working on my blanket. Okay, I got a few vocal ranges in Norway, but it all got sorted out. My father's hotspot on the phone that he dropped in to see sucked, I am glad he didn't drop the other one. He was going to bend over the engine of the boat. When he did that the phone plop out of his pocket. I laughed for a very long time. I couldn't stop laughing! Well, at least I got the good hotspot afterwards. The one on his sonic Xperia. That's the name of his still remaining phone. And I can't believe he is going to Norway again! 🙀 now he has got himself I work there. What if he moves to Norway? Without me? With that all his family? I don't want that to happen. He is the last security of my life. If he is gone, there will be nothing left to hold me. I will rage and I will act out. I will give in to the insanity. Oh, have I told you about the insanity and said me? I don't know. Anyway, there's always chaos waiting to take over. And that is why I rage. I can't control that chaos which is what cost us the event. Honestly, the world would be better off without me spreading that kind of chaos. My living room is a mess just because I don't even care anymore. Instruments, bags and dolls lay all over the floor. I guess don't care. Every single surface is filled with me. I just don't care to bring it all upstairs. Why would I? There's no need. There's no need for a room because he can't contain the chaos inside of me. I have very very few boats left to keep me in sanity. Most of them are just plainly and simply unexplainable. My father is not a bond, but a safety. I security. You wouldn't understand, but I try to explain. My mother and I somehow have broken it. We are friends it to a job there, we okay Shannaleigh meet, but that is all. Well, she fetches me, spent some time with me and then puts me back home. And that yes happens once every fourth moms. Or maybe third, if I should be kind. Also, she barely Contacts me, so I don't contact her. Sometimes, I might ask for stupid advice about my stomach, though I don't really care. Oh, by the way, my stomach is haywire, really really movie haywire. I sold only have contact with my siblings. My brother doesn't even reply to face time. I barely know the guy. My younger brother, I mean. Nobody actually mines anything with me. But I don't want my father to go to Norway all the time. I don't like it. I really don't like it. Unfortunately, I can't do anything to make him stay. That is what hurts the most. He will never know how much he lets me down, but that is alright. Glad he doesn't read this blog. I don't even know if he has to URL. ON I don't know exactly what to do, but I hope I will find something out. When there is only one single person in the world that someone trusts, when they let you down, there is not much for that person to do except cry. Cry, scream and height. Hide from everyone else, hide from the fact that you're alone. Believe me, I am surrounded by people, but I know what loneliness is. There is only one person in the world that I can fully confide in. One single person in the whole world. I can't even confide things to myself. What would that do? I tell myself my secrets? That is all meaning less. There is no use. I just wish I could raise my mind. That way, I would not remember anything. People would still remember who I work and what I had done, but with blank pages in my mind. I understand if it's hard to see what I mean with this, but I i'm trying to explain. If I could ever race my mind, my memory would be gone, I would be gone but still here and people could shake me the way they want me to be without actually having any issues with me. But I can't erase my mind. I wish it was liked one of those little memory cards that you have a race all data and when you need to put new things on. But, we are not working that way. What I could actually do is to leave this world behind. Just stay out of the place where I like to be forever. There is no need for me to stay here. I mean, I have nobody to confining, I am writing but who reads it? Confide in, wow I can't talk. :-( I can't believe it. It was in Norway, he came home for two days and then we went to Norway together and have a nice trip and then he goes to Norway on Tuesday again. I hope he's car brakes before he goes. I mean, really rights, like the engine cutting out permanently. I don't care about the car. I don't want to be lost and alone for all my time. He just can't stay at home. He goes to Norway and then he comes home and then he goes back. I want to scream. 💢 I just don't know what to do. I want to rage! Well, that is it. I am leaving for the astral tomorrow and I will stay there forever. I don't care about the danger. I don't care about anything. Yes me and my insanity, a place where I can rage without consequence. Well, not raised against anything in particular, just be angry. I need to be really pissed really angry. I need a place for my tears. This is not my answer, just an escape. Oh my word, I want to puke all over the world. I want to puke over my father's car. I want to P in my father's car. In the MGM, so it doesn't start. Pork shoulder in the engine, so it won't start. That's a trick I learned long ago. If I put sugar in the car's engine, he would have to plug it into tiny little pieces to make it start. No no no, maybe not the ending, maybe it is in that gasoline thing. Will have to research on that.