Uneventful journey

The trip to Norway it was awesome! At least often are my few breakdowns. I went fishing and caught one single fish. Don't laugh, it is not funny. My father accidentally dropped his phone in the sea. He managed to get it back to all drenched and put it in the oven. When need to get out again, it was blowing hot and the screen turns white when he turned it on. I got a lots of yarn and I actually had to sort some of it out. Oh yeah, by the way, when I came home, a couple of days ago, I actually felt like a wreck. I got a panic attack yesterday night and I started crying out loud. That happens sometimes. Michael Shayce will be much easier now, since I have my color indicator, that tells me what color the yard is. I have several colors in different types of yarn. That is awesome if you want to mix shades. Yep, I am still working on my blanket. Okay, I got a few vocal ranges in Norway, but it all got sorted out. My father's hotspot on the phone that he dropped in to see sucked, I am glad he didn't drop the other one. He was going to bend over the engine of the boat. When he did that the phone plop out of his pocket. I laughed for a very long time. I couldn't stop laughing! Well, at least I got the good hotspot afterwards. The one on his sonic Xperia. That's the name of his still remaining phone. And I can't believe he is going to Norway again! 🙀 now he has got himself I work there. What if he moves to Norway? Without me? With that all his family? I don't want that to happen. He is the last security of my life. If he is gone, there will be nothing left to hold me. I will rage and I will act out. I will give in to the insanity. Oh, have I told you about the insanity and said me? I don't know. Anyway, there's always chaos waiting to take over. And that is why I rage. I can't control that chaos which is what cost us the event. Honestly, the world would be better off without me spreading that kind of chaos. My living room is a mess just because I don't even care anymore. Instruments, bags and dolls lay all over the floor. I guess don't care. Every single surface is filled with me. I just don't care to bring it all upstairs. Why would I? There's no need. There's no need for a room because he can't contain the chaos inside of me. I have very very few boats left to keep me in sanity. Most of them are just plainly and simply unexplainable. My father is not a bond, but a safety. I security. You wouldn't understand, but I try to explain. My mother and I somehow have broken it. We are friends it to a job there, we okay Shannaleigh meet, but that is all. Well, she fetches me, spent some time with me and then puts me back home. And that yes happens once every fourth moms. Or maybe third, if I should be kind. Also, she barely Contacts me, so I don't contact her. Sometimes, I might ask for stupid advice about my stomach, though I don't really care. Oh, by the way, my stomach is haywire, really really movie haywire. I sold only have contact with my siblings. My brother doesn't even reply to face time. I barely know the guy. My younger brother, I mean. Nobody actually mines anything with me. But I don't want my father to go to Norway all the time. I don't like it. I really don't like it. Unfortunately, I can't do anything to make him stay. That is what hurts the most. He will never know how much he lets me down, but that is alright. Glad he doesn't read this blog. I don't even know if he has to URL. ON I don't know exactly what to do, but I hope I will find something out. When there is only one single person in the world that someone trusts, when they let you down, there is not much for that person to do except cry. Cry, scream and height. Hide from everyone else, hide from the fact that you're alone. Believe me, I am surrounded by people, but I know what loneliness is. There is only one person in the world that I can fully confide in. One single person in the whole world. I can't even confide things to myself. What would that do? I tell myself my secrets? That is all meaning less. There is no use. I just wish I could raise my mind. That way, I would not remember anything. People would still remember who I work and what I had done, but with blank pages in my mind. I understand if it's hard to see what I mean with this, but I i'm trying to explain. If I could ever race my mind, my memory would be gone, I would be gone but still here and people could shake me the way they want me to be without actually having any issues with me. But I can't erase my mind. I wish it was liked one of those little memory cards that you have a race all data and when you need to put new things on. But, we are not working that way. What I could actually do is to leave this world behind. Just stay out of the place where I like to be forever. There is no need for me to stay here. I mean, I have nobody to confining, I am writing but who reads it? Confide in, wow I can't talk. :-( I can't believe it. It was in Norway, he came home for two days and then we went to Norway together and have a nice trip and then he goes to Norway on Tuesday again. I hope he's car brakes before he goes. I mean, really rights, like the engine cutting out permanently. I don't care about the car. I don't want to be lost and alone for all my time. He just can't stay at home. He goes to Norway and then he comes home and then he goes back. I want to scream. 💢 I just don't know what to do. I want to rage! Well, that is it. I am leaving for the astral tomorrow and I will stay there forever. I don't care about the danger. I don't care about anything. Yes me and my insanity, a place where I can rage without consequence. Well, not raised against anything in particular, just be angry. I need to be really pissed really angry. I need a place for my tears. This is not my answer, just an escape. Oh my word, I want to puke all over the world. I want to puke over my father's car. I want to P in my father's car. In the MGM, so it doesn't start. Pork shoulder in the engine, so it won't start. That's a trick I learned long ago. If I put sugar in the car's engine, he would have to plug it into tiny little pieces to make it start. No no no, maybe not the ending, maybe it is in that gasoline thing. Will have to research on that.

On the road and on the go.

Right now, I am sitting in the car. I am on the way to Norway, which is great, but apparently some unexpected gladness have a code. It seems like we're not going there all the way for that. I don't like that, that was not a part of my planning. I at least have an extra yard now. That is great. I will put it in my bag as soon as I am done with this post. I bought the yarn today, before. Really awesome. Especially those colored ones. The ones that are colored. Really awesome. And they're all stable and make perfect leaves. I especially like pink and the green. If there aren't a lot of errors in my Dictation now, that would be because I am in the car. Yeah, you see there. Small brace a great sentences what he should. Forget that. Will write more when I arrive.

Tomorrow I am leaving

Tomorrow I am leaving for Norway. I guess have to do this stupid x-ray first. I know I need it, but I wish I didn't have to. Hopefully nobody will try to touch me on my little outcropping. I don't like when people touch me. That is just my personality. It doesn't matter who does it, as long as somebody dusted. I don't like it. Hopefully, I won't get angry. And alter the x-ray I will be leaving. It's going to be really nice. I probably log in the car on the way to more weight. I hate going by car. I get sick and dizzy and tired and tens and a lot of things. I will be packing my gear tomorrow. My crochet's, my iPhone stuff and some other things. I will try to wake up early tomorrow. Me and Lena is going to actually try to fix things in my bag of yarn tomorrow. That will be before the x-ray. There are a lot of entanglement there. Is that a word? Never mind, it doesn't matter. I just hope my stomach gets better before tomorrow. Well, hopefully the people around please cursing alone included in this. :-) they are playing Dice World apparently. And they're getting fuck oath. Buckles or Farkle. I preferred to say the word fuck cool when I get them. :-) you, my stomach is really wire. Hey liar and all to hell. Seriously, I shouldn't have smoked three cigarettes in a row. I am still used to my stomach getting haywire but it's still annoying. Oh, and I got some yarn from my father is today. It is really beautiful. It is meant for leaving, but with some effort I can crochet with it too. I guess I should be a bit more social. Will keep you up-to-date later today. But will keep talking on, for a while. By the way, I did not take the blood test. The fucking woman came the wrong time today, which was wrong. I said 12 o'clock, she came half to 12. Or 11:30 actually. When I say 12 o'clock, I mean 12 o'clock. Mom fucking 1130. Not 11:30! Plus, it is my legal right to deny taking blood test. Even as I have a guardian, I still have the right not to want to take a blood test. People earlier today try to say to me that if I don't take it, I will be hospitalized, but it is illegal to hospitalize somebody yes because of the fact that they don't want to take that stupid fucking blood test. Seriously, people on the Monday, when we were going to try to take the blood test, actually prevented me from going on my shopping today. You can believe I was fucking pissed right hell off. There is nothing that sad too that I should not be able to have my shopping day yes because I don't want to take the blood test. I told other people about that and they were pissed as well. Yeah, once again, my stomach is sick and I want to puke. Yesterday I drank three bottles of milk on five minutes and even now I am more sick than then. We are going to watch Idol this evening. I don't care about the judges or who is allowed to continue or not, I just care about the music. Hopefully they have taken out those that same terrible now. Oh, maybe I will go on a Christmas concert, not sure though. We have to organize back first. But you have to book the tickets quite long before the actual concession. Call him Sir, I mean. Fuck it. Never mind. Will be back later tonight.

Finding myself

In a couple of days, it will be time for me to move. I may have said before, I am going to Norway on Thursday. Well, hopefully I'll stay there until next Monday, but my homecoming day might be Sunday. I will keep you up-to-date with everything that happened on the trip, because my father has promised that I will be able to use network. I would go crazy if I didn't have any network. Last time I was there, I did not have any network at all. That's right fucking up! Also, on Thursday I will have to do x-ray. It's about a huge outgrowing from my ribs location. It grows outward and it leaks okay Shannaleigh? Quite often actually. Personally I don't know if I can help rid of it or hope that it is cancer. If it is cancer, I will not take treatment for it. I kill me. I want to die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die! This life is wasted in any case. I mean, what am I leaving for? Nothing at all actually. I am leaving for anything. I wake up in the morning I do my useless stuff and then I go to sleep. And then it goes over and over and over again The problem is that I can't leave myself behind. If I could, that would help a bit. Because, I wouldn't be here. Everything is just a waste of time. So what, I have made a beautiful blanket. So what, I have learned a new song? That is all pointless stuff. Oh wow, how amazing, I have watch. How are amazing. I have watched. None of that makes any difference. It doesn't change anything and it doesn't help anyone, not even myself. What will happen after the trip to Norway? The same fucking shit. That's all it is, yes fucking shit. Oh, by the way, I got a new charger for my iPhone for S now. I also got a new headset. This headset is better than my old one. They are better the cost of the fact that firstly, they are red. Second, the things I put in my ears are sharp and go all the way, which gets me a better sound experience. Not sharp actually, but going to. If you are used to having lots of headphones, I know you understand. The headphones are pointed. I think those are better than the other ones. So I was really happy. Well, the person that bought them for me on my money actually didn't think that there were such thing as extra point good headset. Sandra is satisfied. Oh crap, I forgot where I work on this post. I had to go to the bathroom. Nothing to be quiet about, we all go there several times per day. That is where are you suggest ways that doesn't have a purpose. Awesome, I will now eat bacon. Me love bacon. Do you like all types of Peoria meet. Bacon, flash, and Trico and other things. Not sure if I got that last word right. I am at carnivorous person. That just means that I eat. This word yes means that I eat meat! How many times will I have to write that? Sorry, got a bit pissed for moment. I had to write that sentence about 10 times. Oh well, everything is working now. I have Skype, but the thing is that I never talk to anybody on there. There's just too much drama and there's no one near me is supposed to cause that much drama yes because I don't want to date them. Yes, I am talking about dick douche bag. I won't give you his actual name, but let's just call him Dick bag. The douche bag! That's right, I said it, you know who you are if you ever read this you know it's you I am talking about. Dick douche bag! That was a good name for somebody who is hurt. First we had a long distance relationship, then he broke up with me and then he got together with me just to talk sex. Who is hurting me, I mean. Sorry. Hopefully I will find a toy in your way. Preferably a ferry or something different. Not those regular adults that resemble girls that are a bit too thin. Also, I can't hear dick douche bags voice ever again, because if I do, the link that I have removed will come back. I don't want to link with the fucker! No thanks, I would rather die. But that is my virtue anyway. I promise I won't be older than 25 ever! Oh, and by the way, my blanket is becoming so big that I can barely put it in my bag of yarn now. I think I will go back to that now, I would like to you later. I promise I will write before going to Norway. Later.

I am feeling sick.

So tired of this fucking life. So tired of taking crap medication that doesn't work. Now they even want my blood from it, which I do not accept. It's actually illegal in this country to force somebody to take a blood test, but they don't care. And as for the place where I have moved, I have started to realize that I hate this place. Seriously, everyone would be happy if this place would just burn down. And also, there are people here that drive me into fucking madness. I need to find my way out of here. I was happier before I came to this place. And that says a lot, since I wasn't happy there either. Okay, happy is not my thing. Zambra walker and happy doesn't mix, but at least I can be satisfied. Right now, I am not fucking satisfied! My father wants to bring me to Norway on Thursday, but I don't want to go. I got nothing there to do. My father and my brother does all of the good stuff while I just sit around, in my room or sit around in the boat. I never get to help in any fucking Deb think. Is this though they think that since I am blind I can't do anything. That is fucking discrimination. I have started to use the F***would very much right now. Because I am F***pissed. I'm so tired of everything. I actually slept all knew because I wanted to get away from the dead people being here. And then I leave it when she is gone, though when I go back downstairs, she is back. Period blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! That's just how I feel. I want to puke. Went to get 6668. S I CK! SH I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I @I am! Really pissed. Anyway, I just want to die. Die die die die die die die. Death is my only way out. I don't care if Louise says I am a coward, I have care about the fact that I need to get the fuck out of this place and out of the situation, so I've got to die yet. Now, I just need to plan. Hell will set me free. Well, it has gone really far for me to say that. Hell will set me free means that I will at least be out of here. Then I don't care about Bunning forever. Bye-bye terrible world. Anything is better than being in a place where I do not belong. Plus, I am tired of other people deciding the furniture. What with those ugly plastic flowers? I am black, most colorful. I hate rainbow furniture. I can't see colors, but that doesn't stop me from hating them. Actually, I want to carry those plastic flowers upstairs and throw them down the stairs. That way the vase will break. And then we can't have it anymore. I promise I will let you know right when I take suicide. I will definitely let you know.